The Rats Nest

Friday, April 18, 2014

Ever Wonder Why You Are Doing Something?

Gonna go a bit off topic here, sorry for the venting act, psychobabble, straight up complaining or what ever it is.  I am at a point in this fly fishing thing where I am sitting back and reassessing just where I'm currently at.   I gotta admit, between the inter webs, social media and the notion that in this fast paced world we live in if you don't stay on top of all that crap you become irrelevant, it seems to me that all of the above is filled with countless posts, re posts and posts over posts of repetitive nonsense just to stay relevant and "cutting edge" regardless of whether or not the content is compelling, almost like a giant popularity contest.   More often than not it's straight up garbage, and what I like to call wasted time and hot air, and I feel as though I am caught in the middle of it all at times myself.   I guess I am having a bit of a social media meltdown/breakdown, or maybe I am forever wondering if all this BS is really worth it as I feel the last couple of years of "Fly fishing success" for me all seem to be pulling me completely away from the thing I enjoy the most,  fishing itself.

Don't get me wrong I love to create flies and tie as much as I like to fish, but I am slowly having some clarity these days, realizing that I do not want to be married to my Regal every free moment that I have.  What to do...... 

Once I complete this book project I am fully immersed in, I am reassessing my direction with Catching Shadows.  I am forever torn with how much involvement I want to have in the "Industry" side of this sport even though it has been extremely good to me as a whole.  Continue tying commercially?  Guide again?  A combination of the two?  I don't quite know the answer.  Maybe it's people overload, situational awareness, the notion that my interests are diverted, new challenges and opportunities in my real career, what it is, I don't really know.  What I do know is I am getting tired of the grind it out long pie eyed nights with  less time spent doing what I am most passionate about......  Fly fishing. 

Sometimes when you reassess your goals, even when you're feeling down, something good or even great comes out of the process.   Giving my eyes and hands a break from late nights at the vise tying exorbitant numbers of flies repetitively has made me think about all of this quite a bit.   I apologize for my candidness, but I feel like I've hit a brick wall face first  and the sting is really sinking in and will not subside.

I guess last weekend on the sticks made me contemplate just what the hell I am doing.  Looking back, I don't quite know how I did what I did in such a short span of time, never mind the numbers of flies I was pumping out with all that I have going on in my life.  Excuse me for a bit while I decompress and let things sink in for a while.  I think I am in need of some water time to cleanse the soul, hopefully I can get some in the days to come.  Until then, I hope you all have a great Easter weekend with friends and family, I'll be back posting sometime later this spring/summer.   Hopefully these damn bugs will wake up and give us something shoot for.  

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